By “I can’t say NO cause that might sound rude and I don’t want to let them down”- raise your hand if it really does be like that sometimes. (I’m raising mine now haha) Guilty.
We’re constantly sacrificing ourselves for little crumbs of love, validation, affection, and so on and we can’t ever relax because we crave for the next crumb.
Sheesh.
“Is this worth it?” – this is the question people pleasers ask themselves (pretty sure you’ve done it too) when they begin to get really uncomfortable or unhappy continuing this behavior.
And the answer is “NO”.
Here’s why; it is always a short-term ego boost. And we’d go right back to where we started. It’s a never-ending cycle. Well, it is better to get rid of this unhealthy habit that makes us feel miserable, right?
So, here are five practical actions you can take to stop people pleasing;
Stop calling yourself a people pleaser
Sounds ironic right? But here’s the thing- the more you label yourself as a “people pleaser”, the more you’ll identify with it, the more it will become you, and the more it will represent you to others.
Without letting yourself or the world know that you tend to please people, you can reframe it by saying “I am not a people pleaser, it’s just an unhealthy habit that I have and habits can be changed”.
Stop jumping in and offering help before it was asked
This is another hard but doable one! Try challenging yourself to wait until someone directly asks for help. Gently pinch yourself whenever you get the urge to help someone without even them asking you, so you can remind yourself to stop doing things you may regret later. Show kindness only when you genuinely want to do it.
Let go of the critical beliefs you have about people pleasing
Following are some common beliefs people pleasers may have;
- “It’s not okay to go against someone’s opinion even if they hurt my feelings”
- “I feel responsible for other people’s happiness”.
- “I need to be the same or similar to my friends to be accepted or valued”
- “just me being me isn’t good enough”
- “I should ask for other people’s opinions before I take a decision”
Can you relate to the above beliefs or do you have similar thoughts? These kinds of negative beliefs are keeping you stuck as a people pleaser. Letting go of the critical beliefs you have of yourself is another practical way to stop being a people pleaser.
You owe it to yourself to live the happy life you desire. Those negative beliefs are not facts. The only legit fact is you are not responsible for anyone’s happiness but yours. This is your reminder to let go of all the negative beliefs that have stood in the way of your happiness.
Practice putting yourself first, always
When you’re trying to please others, you automatically neglect yourself and how you really feel. And as a people pleaser, you may feel like it’s not right to put your needs first. But listen, you’re the most important person in your life. And it is really okay to express your needs and do whatever you want. It won’t be easy to chart your own path, but with practice, you’ll be able to do this. Just think about how your needs will be met and how your well-being deserves to be at peace. Yes, do this for yourself.
One sure way to make yourself unhappy is by putting relentless effort to make other people happy. Especially for the people who don’t even care about you and your well-being. After putting constant effort into pleasing people, you will eventually realize and some might have already realized that pleasing others can never make you feel at peace. So, shift your focus to pleasing yourself.
You can stop people-pleasing behaviors without changing who you are- I promise you that. Yes, it’s been a big part of your personality but you’ll still be you even after you start to put yourself first.
Which practical step are you going to start today? Let me know in the comments
I hope you find this article helpful. I loved writing this article for you 🥰
Related Article: 5 Signs You’re A People Pleaser
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Disclaimer: As the admin of the HappyHumaans community, I’m making my best effort in putting forth supportive material based on my knowledge, experience and passions as a psychology student in hopes that you can find simple ways to make your life better and brighter. We DO NOT REPLACE PROFESSIONAL THERAPY or other professional services.